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chaos_drifter

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From:

major_rawne

Because I searched your room after you stabbed John Doe?

[He does make a mental note to look at their file later.]

From:

chaos_drifter

[They had no idea he had done that, but it makes sense.]

Because you asked the Admiral to remove my powers. [They think it was him. They had woken to a seemingly-silent Barge the day pairings had changed.] And because the Admiral removed some of my powers before I arrived, which I am aware had nothing to do with you. [Their means to stay hidden are gone.]

From:

major_rawne

Oh, right. Yes, that was me, since you had killed someone.

From:

chaos_drifter

I never finished killing Will. [Their hand goes to their bracelet, and the new rows of beads that they had collected before the Breach.] I have not killed anyone here, and death does not seem to last.

From:

major_rawne

No, it doesn't last, but it's still frowned upon. The best thing to do is avoid killing people, even if they come back.

From:

chaos_drifter

Why? Why do lives matter so much, if they can be brought back so easily, and even if they cannot? Humans barely live for a moment. Even if you can fill your life with meaning, why does it matter? What will remain when you are gone? And if people can be brought back and their deaths will not last, why does it matter who I kill?

From:

major_rawne

Lives matter because... fuck, that's a little above my paygrade. We matter because we're here, alive. Talking to each other. Forming connections. All that.

As for killing, it's... it's violence. Doing violence against others is frowned upon. We're trying to maintain a peaceful society here.

From:

chaos_drifter

[How does one form connections without feelings? They have no idea. They understand that every society they have ever seen has been against violence in one way or another, but no one seems to know why.] What happens when someone has no feelings?

From:

major_rawne

Hm. I'm not really sure. The only person I knew like that back home was a complete asshole.

From:

chaos_drifter

You say that like you do not see me as an asshole, in which case I think most of the ship would disagree with you, or like you see me as a creature with feelings, in which case I would like to know how you came to that conclusion. [Unless, as Hakkai said, they have emotions but cannot recognize them.]

From:

major_rawne

Believe me, I think you're an asshole. Just not as terrible as Lijah Cuu, that's all. And... you do seem like someone with emotions, just very muted ones.

From:

chaos_drifter

How would you define an emotion? [Hakkai had defined it as a combination of thoughts and physical feelings. They wonder if Rawne defines it the same way.]

From:

major_rawne

It's... [This is tricky. Rawne barely understands his emotions as it is.] It's a mental and physical response to outside stimuli.

From:

chaos_drifter

Both at once, not one or the other?

From:

major_rawne

Often. When I was trying to figure out my emotions, concentrating on the physical sensations helped. Fear is felt in the stomach, for example. Anger in the chest.

From:

chaos_drifter

[They have no idea what those things feel like. They have sensed those emotions in their victims, and understand what they are, but have never felt them.] What about arousal? I understand what it feels like, physically, but you felt it because you were lonely. [They were never attracted to him. What takes those feelings over the threshold from arousal to attraction? Their body had reacted to touch, but they had only wanted to understand his thoughts.]

From:

major_rawne

I felt arousal because you were attractive and offered sex to me. The loneliness just meant that I was more likely than usual to accept the offer.

From:

chaos_drifter

Physically attractive? [Most men seem to like women who are curvier than them, or men who are muscular. Avalon is neither.]

From:

major_rawne

Yes, is that odd? [Rawne's more attracted to dangerous people than anything else, and Avalon is dangerous.]

From:

chaos_drifter

No. [He is not the first person to consider their default form attractive.] If you were emotionally attracted to me, it would be.

From:

major_rawne

No, you're not my type where it comes to relationships.

From:

chaos_drifter

That makes sense.

Why do you think I have ‘muted’ emotions? [If more than one person agrees on something about them, does that give them an identity?]

From:

major_rawne

Because you react to things, you don't just sit around doing nothing. You stabbed John Doe because you wanted to see if he had a body. That's an emotional response, in my mind, if not a very strong one.