IC Inbox

[chaos_drifter]

Audio | Text | Video | Action

Leave a message.

Comments

[abrightboy]

When you think back on it, what kind of thoughts do you have?

[chaos_drifter]

It was different. My body had never done anything like that before, but other than that, it meant nothing. Sex is nothing but a physical experience.

[abrightboy]

It’s actually quite an emotional experience when you have an emotional connection to the person you’re with. But forget emotions. Did you experience physical pleasure from it?

[chaos_drifter]

[They had had an orgasm, so as far as they know,] Yes.

[abrightboy]

Is that sort of pleasure something you’d seek out again?

[chaos_drifter]

I might. It was an interesting experience.

[abrightboy]

Interesting intellectually?

[chaos_drifter]

Yes.

[abrightboy]

Have you ever asked your Warden to ask the Admiral to let you feel normal emotions? It doesn't seem to be outside his purview.

[chaos_drifter]

I am considering it. [Their Breach self had emotions, which means that the Barge can make that possible.]

[abrightboy]

What made you decide to consider that?

[chaos_drifter]

I am an empty creature because I lack emotions and a stable identity. I think that being able to feel like a human might guide me.

[abrightboy]

If you decide to do that, please make sure you have someone to help you when emotions get… difficult or overwhelming, even if it’s not me. They’re not easy.

[chaos_drifter]

Thank you for the suggestion.

[abrightboy]

When they’re good, though… they’re really, really good.

[chaos_drifter]

What do they feel like?

[abrightboy]

It depends what emotion you’re having. But you can feel them in your chest or in your abdomen or in your head. And they can make you feel like you’re floating or being crushed or bursting with rainbows or being stabbed with a thousand knives.

[chaos_drifter]

That makes sense. [They think. Their victims’ thoughts had sometimes described physical sensations the way that Malcolm just did.]

[abrightboy]

Have you experienced anything like that?

[chaos_drifter]

No, but others have described their emotions like that.

[abrightboy]

Do you think some sort of mind body connection is what's missing?

[chaos_drifter]

Yes. Spending more time in this body has helped me realize that I do have muted emotions. [They think they can learn to strengthen the connection between their mind and their body.]

[abrightboy]

Do you think a bigger problem is that you just don't recognize them?

[chaos_drifter]

For now, yes. I think that learning to recognize my emotions might help them become stronger.